6 Ways To Get Him Back
Want your ex boyfriend back? If so, it's going to take some changes. You'll need to alter his current mindset, reversing the way he currently sees you, if you want your ex to view you as a girlfriend again.
But changing your ex's opinion of you isn't something you can do directly. Right now he's probably ignoring or avoiding you. Maybe he hasn't called or texted you, or maybe whatever contact you have had with your ex has been short, cold, and clinical.
So how do you change your ex's mind?
What can you do to make him see you any differently than he does now?
The answers to those questions aren't simple; in reality, there's no direct way back into your boyfriend's life from where you are now. Brute force techniques won't do it. You can't just call him out of the blue and expect to somehow convince him to take you back.
Likewise, you can't cry, beg, or plead with him. Pity never works, and in fact, it puts you in a much worse position than you're already in when it comes to winning him over.
So what do you do? You change the one thing you have total control over:
You change yourself.
Figuring Out Which Behaviors Made Your Ex Attracted To You
Now I'm not talking about radically changing who you are. That's never a good idea. Any guy you date should accept you for who you are - your ex boyfriend included. If they really love you they'll accept your shortcomings along with your good traits. They'll accept your flaws right alongside all the thiings that made them love you in the first place.
That said, odds are good that certain behaviors changed since you first started going out with your ex. Some on his end, some on yours. To get him back, you need to show him these original behaviors again. The ones he fell in love with. The ones that made him attracted to you in the first place.
For example, were you a lot happier in the beginning of the relationship? His own happiness probably fed off of yours. Did you become more moody? Sullen? Withdrawn? Toward the end, were you the same person he once really loved? Or were you shorter-tempered, jealous, angry at things that normally wouldn't have bothered you in the beginning of the courtship, when you were first getting to know each other?
Impressing Your Boyfriend - Why You Did it, and Why it Went Away
The honeymoon period of every relationship is always golden. That's because:
- You're both out to impress each other (still in the courtship phase)
- Neither of you have seen each other's flaws yet
- Sex with someone new is always amazing (much more about exploring and impressing)
- You're going places and doing things you might never have done before
- There's no jealousy yet, because you don't know enough about each other
- You're both lost in the happy process of falling in love
If you think about it, all of these things made up the first few weeks of your relationship. Back then, you were always happy. You made each other laugh. Everything seemed indestructible, because both of you were looking forward and neither of you were looking back.
To get back with your ex boyfriend, and make him love you the way he did? You'll need to get him looking forward again. And right now when he sees or thinks about you? All he can do is look back.
Six Quick Changes That Will Make Your Ex See You Differently
As indicated above, the way your ex sees you now won't help get him interested again. But you can make some instant adjustments that will help change the way he views you:
1) Accept That Things Are Over Between You
Your exboyfriend won't come anywhere near you until you've done one simple thing: accepted the breakup. This means no fighting against it, no trying to change his mind, and no attempts at convincing him to give things "one more chance".
Realize that whatever you had before is gone, and that what you might have in the future will need to be different (and better). By letting go of the past relationship you're telling your ex that yes, he can talk to you again. Yes, he can contact you again. And yes, any contact he makes with you will be positive and constructive, because you won't be trying to argue or shame or pity him back into your old relationship.
2) Disappear for a While, So Your Ex Starts Missing You
Still hanging around and making yourself as visible as possible so you can stay fresh in your exboyfriend's mind? Bad call. In fact, it's the worst call you can possibly make.
Your boyfriend dumped you so you'd go away. He doesn't want to see you anymore. And yet here you are, still around. Still trying to make things work by showing up places you'll know he might be, or by inserting yourself in his life wherever you can. Maybe you're calling him. Texting him. Maybe you even tried to convince him to stay friends after the break up.
All of this, of course, you're convincing yourself that you're doing INNOCENTLY. That hey, you're doing nothing wrong. As if making friendly contact with your ex is somehow okay, even though right now the last thing he wants is to see or hear from you.
Don't make these blunders. There are 7 colossal mistakes you can make when an ex breaks up with you, and this is just one of them. Learn the rest, and that's when you'll start to realize your ex can't miss you until you first go away.
3) Start Living Your Life Without Him
You had a life before your ex boyfriend. Now, it's time to start living it again.
Maybe you were stronger, more outgoing, more independent. Your ex was attracted to these things. They made you desirable, in his eyes. And desire is the one pure emotion that will instantly make him want you again.
So now that you're apart? Make the most of it. Go out and do things. Enjoy your freedom, both with family and with friends. Let it get back to your ex boyfriend that not only are you surviving without him, but you're thriving. You're having a great time WITHOUT him in your life, which makes him realize that hey, maybe he's really letting go of someone special.
The last thing you want to get back to your ex is that you've been sitting at home, crying into every available shoulder, totally devastated without him. These things aren't attractive at all. In fact, they'll make your ex see his decision to dump you as the RIGHT decision.
4) Find Ways to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Jealous
Want to fight dirty? Good. Because all's fair in love and war.
Making your ex jealous can be an instant attention-grabber. Do too much of it however, and you could drive him angrily in the opposite direction. Basically, there's a fine line. If you can walk it, you can generate some very drastic results.
Remember, your ex's ego is banking on the fact that he dumped you. Shattering that ego is one way to change the way he looks at the break up. To do this, go out. See other people. Date again. No, you don't have to start searching for a soul mate, and you don't have to even take it seriously. But you know what? The second your ex hears that you might be seeing other people, that's when he has to actually face losing you to someone else.
This is new to him. He's never had to face it before. He's never even thought about it, and yet suddenly there it is: his girlfriend with someone else. The possibility that you could fall into another guy's arms - or bed - will put thoughts in your exboyfriend's head that he doesn't really want there. Yet he'll have to face them. He'll have to deal with them, and make hard choices, such as whether he truly loves you.
If he does, he's going to want you back. Or at least want to contact you to find out how serious you are about whomever you went out with. When that happens, don't give him too much info. Don't downplay it, slow play it. Gauge his interest, and start looking for the signs your ex still has feelings for you
5) Get Him to Make Contact With You Again
Re-opening the lines of communication is a key step in fixing your breakup. To win back his heart you'll need to talk to him again, but of course, not too soon.
There are things you should say to your ex boyfriend when you talk again, but there are even more things that you shouldn't. You'll want to let him know it's good to hear from him, but you don't want to seem overly anxious or eager. Talk about life, work, school. Don't talk about the fighting or arguing that broke you apart. Steer the conversation into good places, and plant seeds in your ex's head by subtly mentioning shared memories of things you once did together.
Even better than calling your ex? Get your ex boyfriend to contact YOU. There are ways of doing this that make it easier than you think, and you'll be in a much better position when you do start communicating again.
6) Change Your Attitude Completely... For the Better
This is probably the most important thing you can do right now, if you want him to see you as a potential girlfriend again. A positive attitude works WONDERS when trying to generate desire and attraction.
Were you happy when you first met? Be ecstatic. Were you outgoing? Be like that again. You should look good, feel great, seem strong and independent and likable. These things are all going to make your ex want to date you again, just as they did the first time. You can't sit around sulking or pouting, or trying to let your ex know how miserable you are without him. He's not going to feel sorry for you. And even if he did? He's still not going to want to date you.
Staying positive and cheerful is a HUGE ego-check for your ex boyfriend. It's basically letting him know that you can survive without him, and that life without him seems even better than life with him. Maybe he was the problem? That question will run through his mind, along with the question of whether he should've cut you loose in the first place.