Sleeping With Your Ex Boyfriend - Will It Help Get Him Back?
Sex... it's a huge question when it comes to getting your boyfriend back. Should you sleep with him? Is it a good idea? Or will having sex with your ex boyfriend actually hurt your chances for reconciliation?
In choosing whether to sleep with an ex boyfriend, there are varying schools of thought. There are some who think it's an overall bad idea, because sex is the one last piece of the puzzle usually reserved for a relationship. If you're talking to, emailing, hanging out with, and sleeping with an ex boyfriend? Truthfully, he really has no incentive to ever take you back. He already has everything he had while dating you, minus the burden of commitment.
Yet while all of that is true, having sex with an ex can also bring the two of you back to that intimately physical level shared only by lovers. The powerful memories and emotions brought out by sleeping with someone you love can help rekindle the sparks of your original romance. And if it's been a while since the two of you have been together? Sex can take you back to that magical honeymoon stage of a new relationship.
If your boyfriend is on the fence about wanting to get back together again, jumping back into bed with him could be that one last straw to break the camel's back. Great sex is a tremendous part of any good relationship, and experiencing it during the breakup can sometimes help reconnect certain bonds that were severed when your ex broke up with you.
There are good and bad aspects of sleeping with an ex. Cementing old feelings can be a big asset when it comes to getting back together as a couple, but mistimed sex or sex for the wrong reasons (or with the wrong expectations) can cause anger, bitterness, jealousy, and the feeling of being used. Because of this, you need to be extremely careful with how you handle the physical aspects of seeing your ex boyfriend, especially in the later stages of your breakup when you're getting so close to being boyfriend and girlfriend again.
Knowing When It's Okay To Have Sex With An Ex Boyfriend
Ideally, right now you're on the path to getting your boyfriend back. Hopefully you started with a no-contact approach, got your ex to miss you, and then reconnected with your boyfriend at just the right time. The sexual aspect of getting back together should come later, not sooner. Which means if your ex boyfriend is trying to sleep with you only a few days or weeks after ending your relationship? He's most likely just looking to get his rocks off.
If you haven't drawn your ex back to the point where you've reconnected, then you're still in the earlier phases of the break up. Learn what your first moves should be, and how you can apply detachment techniques to get your boyfriend interested in seeing you again.
In short, the general rule is as follows: If your ex isn't at the point where he truly misses and needs to see you again, you definitely shouldn't be sleeping with him.
Can You And Your Ex Boyfriend Be Friends With Benefits?
The answer to this question is a resounding NO, simply because you still love him. Almost every single 'friends with benefits' arrangement is doomed to failure, mainly because no matter how the breakup went down there's always one person who loves the other one just a little bit more.
Casual, guilt-free sex with an ex boyfriend just can't exist. In a very short time, one of you will get emotionally attached to the other. From there, one or both of you will start dating someone else... and that's where all hell breaks loose. Either you'll get a new boyfriend and have to put a stop to things, or you'll continue secretly seeing your ex while effectively cheating on your new man.
The flip side of that coin? Your ex gets a new girlfriend, and suddenly he's not around anymore. You get jealous that he's sleeping with someone else, and on top of it all you feel as if he's cheating on you. In short, friends with benefits always leads to rejection. There's no civil way to end such an arrangement, so it always blows up in someone's face.
In the end, you don't want to be friends with your ex... PERIOD. The path to reconciliation never leads through friendship, and in fact being friends with your ex boyfriend can totally hinder your efforts at getting him back. Read a lot more on exactly what to do when your ex wants to be friends with you.
Sleeping With Your Ex Boyfriend Just To Get Him Back
While having sex with your ex can be a necessary part of getting back together, there are times when it's not something you should be doing just yet. For example, having sex with your exboyfriend in the false hopes that it will somehow make him fall back in love with you can easily end in vengeful disappointment.
You can't lure your ex back into a relationship using sex as a weapon or tool. Strongarm tactics or outright seduction may allow you a powerful hold over your ex boyfriend's attention, but understand that his attention is just temporary. The second the sex is over, your ex will beat a hasty retreat... leaving you sad, alone, and feeling used.
By the same token, don't let an ex boyfriend blackmail you into having sex with him. Some guys who know their ex girlfriends are still hung up on them will use the vague promise of getting back together as a way to negotiate one last fling. Your ex boyfriend shouldn't pressure or guilt you into sleeping with him, especially if you haven't gone through any of the earlier phases of getting back together.
Waking up next to your ex the next morning can be awkward if your tryst didn't come as the natural result of getting close to one another again. Hooking up purely for the physical benefits of sex can feel good initially, but as days go by without hearing from your ex boyfriend you'll start to feel worse. There are lots of ways you can get your ex to want you back without resorting to sleeping with him, so make sure you're aware of these methods.
What To Do If You're Already Sleeping With Your Ex
It's not easy rejecting someone you really care about, and because of this you may have already started sleeping with your ex boyfriend. Chances are good you're wondering what it means, what his intentions are, and how come your ex seems to be sending you all kinds of mixed signals.
If you've already started a sexual relationship with your ex boyfriend, there are ways of breaking it off constructively. For the most part, an ex who's getting regular sex from you after ending the relationship isn't likely to change his mind and start dating you again. For right now at least, he's going to keep things status quo.
There are ways to detach sexually while still maintaining your ex boyfriend's respect. By letting him know you love him too much to continue such a pseudo-relationship, you can easily break free from whatever hold he might have over you and begin taking back control of the dynamic between you. Do it right, and you can renew his interest in seeing you again.
Find out exactly where you are on the path to getting him back by taking our Ex Back Quiz.
And for the sneakiest techniques geared toward changing your ex boyfriend's current mindset and getting him to see you the same way he used to? Check out Breakup Reversed.