How To Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Still Has Feelings For You
During your break up, you'll spend a lot of time agonizing over whether or not your ex still loves you. How he acts around you, the things he says... as time goes on, you'll scrutinize every little thing he does while looking for any indication that he might still have feelings for you.
There's good and bad in trying to figure out how much your ex boyfriend still wants you. For one, it's always good to feel loved. Knowing he still has feelings can help you through some pretty dark times, and seeing even the smallest light at the end of the tunnel can help you keep a positive outlook on things. While you work toward getting your boyfriend back, that type of positivity can really help you along.
At the same time however, you don't want to obsess over how he's feeling. The main reason for this is simple: right now, your ex's feelings and emotions are changing rapidly. Immediately after the breakup he's going through a lot of changes, mentally and emotionally, in how he feels toward you.
What your boyfriend feels one minute might radically change just hours later. How he views you is dependant upon his mood, how his day is going, and whether or not he's lonely.
For example, while he's out with friends? Your ex might not be thinking about you at all. But later on as he's staring at the ceiling just before going to bed? Your ex boyfriend will be a lot more thoughtful, especially since he's now alone.
It's during these introspective time periods that your ex is most vulnerable to positive contact. Trying to call or contact him while he's busy (i.e. at work, out with friends, etc...) will usually be met with resistance. At best, he'll politely put you off. At worst, you'll get a total attitude. But call him when he's susceptible and open to hearing from you? The end result will be much, much different.
Once again, timing is everything. You can make much more progress when your ex is approachable.
Check out this list of things you should know before contacting your ex boyfriend. The better you get acquainted with this list, the better the chances that any reconnection you make will be a successful one.
Recognizing That Your Ex's Feelings For You Didn't Go Away Overnight
One thing most women don't recognize is that emotional bonds are hard to break. Just because your boyfriend is putting on a tough post-breakup exterior, it doesn't mean he's completely and totally over the relationship.
This was a guy who loved you. You shared time together. You went places, and did things... you were intimiate on levels that most people never reach with one another. The feelings that developed between you took a while to develop. So what makes you think they can be broken overnight?
From the moment he asked you out to the moment your boyfriend broke up with you, your relationship was built on an ever-increasing closeness that bonded you together. Every good experience you had... every great memory you shared... these things created a partnership between you that doesn't just end with the snap of two fingers.
Even if you felt distant or your relationship was falling apart lately, chances are good that these emotional ties are still strong. You need to recognize that your ex boyfriend still loves you, even now, even after the break up.
Signs and Signals Your Ex Boyfriend Still Needs You In His Life
While your ex still feels emotional bonds to you, he'll do certain things to keep you emotionally attached to him, as well. Sometimes your ex will know exactly what he's doing; these behaviors will be geared toward keeping you 'around'. Other times however, he'll do certain things without even knowing it. These behaviors and mannerisms will be controlled subconsciously, by his inner desire to still have you in his life.
Below is a short list of signs that your ex still wants you around him. No matter how much he may be outwardly pushing you away, these are all indications that your boyfriend isn't 100% done with seeing or hearing from you:
- Checking up on you, either directly or through friends.
- Needing to know if you started dating someone else, and if so, who that person is
- Asking if the two of you can still be friends after the break up
- Keeping in touch with you long distance, as with emails or text-messages
- Stayin in touch with you directly, either by phone or by physically seeing you
- Arranging to meet up with you, even if it's just for small talk over lunch
- Asking to hang out with you, even if the agenda seems innocent or platonic
- Wanting to be "friends with benefits", or keeping up a sexual relationship
There are other signs of course, and some of these can be determined by the way your ex treats you. He might keep conversations going longer than expected, or sound nervous when talking to you. And if you see your ex socially? His body language can go a long, long way toward telling you just how much he might be thinking about or missing you. Look for signs that your ex is flirty, or goes out of his way to joke around with you.
Why Your Ex Tries To Hide or Surpress His True Feelings
Breaking up with you was a difficult decision for your boyfriend. Upon making it, he's now trying to stick to his guns. Just as there's a part of him that still loves you, there's also a part that wanted the relationship to be different or better. That part is looking to move on to greener pastures, and for this reason your ex wants to continue the break up.
To facilitate being single, it's always easier for your ex boyfriend to NOT think about his past relationship. So all this free time he now has? He fills it by going out, hanging with friends, and keeping himself as busy as possible. It's easy to take this as a sign of rejection, thinking your ex no longer cares about you. In reality though, he's trying to detach himself from the relationship in order to sustain the break.
That doesn't mean now's the time to chase after him. On the contrary, now is the time to do just the opposite. Once again, the harder you run to catch up with your exboyfriend, the faster he'll slip away. When he knows you still have feelings for him, your ex boyfriend doesn't have to face losing you.
Yet by adapting an opposite approach - NOT chasing your ex - you'll actually start getting a lot more attention. All of a sudden your ex starts worrying that you might be gone for good. This is when he has to face his feelings, and decide whether staying single is worth the risk of losing you to another guy.
In short, the longer you allow your ex to ignore his true feelings for you, the greater the chance he moves on to date someone else. In time, even the best of memories will fade, and your boyfriend will start looking to make new ones with new people.
The time to act is while your ex is still on the fence, still has respect for you, and is still trying to decide whether breaking up was a good idea. There are a number of things you can do during this window of opportunity that will reverse your ex's current mindset, even during the no contact phase. Find out which male-orientated emotional hot buttons you can immediately start pushing that will have your boyfriend calling and chasing after you.
Now if your ex boyfriend already has a new girlfriend, you'll need a different approach. Learn the 8-step process on what to do when your ex is dating someone else.
If you're still having trouble getting your ex's attention, you haven't taken away his safety net. You'll need to do that immediately, before anything else.
Also find out which five adjustments you can make right now that will help get your ex to want you back.