How to Get Your Boyfriend Back - From A Guy's Strategic Point of View
One of the toughest things about repairing a broken relationship is knowing exactly what the other person is thinking. Very often the reasons they gave you during the breakup aren't the true reasons they no longer want to see you... and yet you'd never know it.
If your boyfriend ended things abruptly and you want him back, you'll first need to know exactly why he left. This can mean looking through and seeing what's behind the curtain.
In trying to get your ex boyfriend back, you've got one big thing going against you... you're not a guy. Feelings and emotions affect us differently, and we have male reactions to them.
Generally speaking, we approach things much differently than you. So if you're trying to get back together from a female-only perspective? You're probably going to find yourself in a whole different place than your ex boyfriend, especially when it comes to needs, wants, and desires.
Standing in a guy's shoes is the only true way to know how we feel. It's also the best place to begin, if you're about to start working toward fixing your breakup and reconciling with an ex boyfriend.
Identifying Exactly Why Your Relationship Failed
Getting your boyfriend back requires that you first need to know why he ended things in the first place. Did he tell you? Well maybe he did, but odds are pretty good that it's not for the reasons he said it was. As guys, we find usually find it hard to tell you what's really wrong. As we break up with you we seek the easiest way out... and that means as little crying as possible. Because of this we lie - not maliciously or intentionally, but we don't always give you the reasons why we were so unhappy with the relationship.
Most guys just aren't going to tell you what went wrong. Think about it: How do you let your girlfriend know that she's constantly moody? Overwhelmingly possessive? Excessively jealous? She's only going to deny such things, and the break up will go badly.
How do you tell your girlfriend that maybe you want to date someone else? Since we're leaving anyway, we'll make up simpler reasons. You'll get the "we drifted apart" excuse, or the "we don't have the same interests" or the ever-dreaded "I just need some time to myself, to figure things out". These are the cowardly ways out of a relationship, but we take them anyway, because the argument that would ensue from telling your girlfriend the truth? It's just not worth it to some guys.
To reverse your ex's decision, you need to find out the true reasons he ended things. Identifying these issues is a key part of getting back your boyfriend. As close as you might have thought you were, there were definitely some emotions he was holding back in order to spare your feelings. Even the most open and honest of relationships contain these hidden issues.
What Your Boyfriend Is Thinking Immediately After The Break Up
One of the biggest mistakes women make after being dumped is not giving their ex boyfriends the space they asked for. When your boyfriend ended things, it was a decision he thought long and hard about. After working up the courage to face you, the last thing he wants is for you to chase after him.
Right now he's going to feel strange around you. He wants to be left alone. But instead of considering your feelings, you're probably only looking at things from your perspective: You have things you feel need to be said, and you might even think you can talk him out of the breakup. These are all things that YOU want, but you're not considering what he wants... you're concentrating blindly on getting your boyfriend back.
So you call him. You text him. You email your ex boyfriend. And you know what? He doesn't know how to respond. If he talks to you, he'll feel like he's leading you on. So what he does is avoid any such contact by ignoring your attempts to get in touch with him... and this is where you feel your relationship slipping away. This will make you call and text-message him even more, and eventually, you're going to send your ex running in the opposite direction.
Guess what? Your relationship isn't slipping away. Those emotions and feelings your ex had for you while you were dating are still there... all you need to do is bring them out again. When a guy breaks up with you he tries to bury those feelings, but in the haste to get over the break up most guys dig a very shallow hole. Given a little time and a lot of space? Those emotions will rise back to the surface again naturally, causing your ex boyfriend to miss you.
This is when your ex will call you: when you've left him alone for a while. Chasing after him and trying to repair the relationship immediately after he ends things will only drive those feelings even deeper, or even worse, destroy them altogether.
The Best Ways To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You
To get back an ex boyfriend, you ultimately have one goal: making him need you again. This can only happen naturally, meaning that it must be his idea. When your ex comes back to you asking to renew the relationship and undo the breakup, he needs to believe that he's the one who wants you back. You can't badger him into getting back together or guilt trip him into giving your relationship a second shot.
Creating an environment in which your ex wants you back is all about putting yourself back in his head again. The mistake most women make however, is thinking this involves always putting themselves in plain sight. Some girls think keeping in touch with an ex is the key to getting them back. They might show up places their ex boyfriend will be, or use their circle of friends to make sure their exboyfriend always knows what they're doing.
But as far as a guy's perspective? These are the worst things you can do. An ex boyfriend won't miss you until you've gone completely away. You need to make him look around and not find you... he has to wonder where you are and what you've been up to. By not chasing after him, you actually wound his pride - and this is a very good thing. Over time, he'll not only get curious about you but will actually start needing to know what became of you, and this is when he'll start asking his friends (or your friends) for information. Does he want you back? Maybe not yet... but creating a void in his life where you used to be is one of the quickest ways of getting right back on your ex boyfriend's mind again. From there, he's going to start missing you, the times he's had with you, and the things you did together.
Getting Your Ex To Want You Back
If you can successfully get your ex thinking about you, making him want you back is a lot easier than you think. The actions you need to take are simple, but they often go against your current mood or mindset. You can't curl up into a ball feeling sorry for yourself and expect the phone to ring. Instead, getting your boyfriend back requires you to put on a happy, excited, confident face.
Guys are attracted to outgoing women. We like women who are self-assured, funny, and cool to be around. When your boyfried first started dating you, your confidence was probably high. You laughed a lot, smiled a lot, and enjoyed everything you did together. These traits will always make men want you, but after a break up, these traits are generally lacking. As you feel hopelessness and despair, it's a lot easier to lock yourself away for a while and feel pity for your own situation.
You need to force yourself out that door. Call some friends, and get outside with them. If your friends aren't available, grab some members of your family. Do the things you love, pick up some old hobbies, get active and make sure you're enjoying yourself. Hit a few of the old places you and your ex used to hang out, and have a great time there. As word gets back to your exboyfriend that you're out having fun without him? He's actually going to feel jealous.
Guys like to think they were responsible for a measure of your happiness; when they see an ex girlfriend thriving without them, it's a small blow to the ego. Your ex will also start thinking that maybe you didn't need him too much to begin with - after all, you don't look all that affected by the break up. And guess what? This is tremendously attractive to a guy who let go of you. It shows a fierce independence that men are naturally drawn to.
Drawing Up A Step-By-Step Plan On What To Do
Getting back together with your ex boyfriend requires patience and time, because no break up gets fixed overnight. But while it may hurt to be apart for him for so long, this gives you the opportunity to use your time constructively. Working on yourself, both inside and out, can have a positive impact when you finally do see your exboyfriend again. Re-establishing that connection is a part of the reconciliation process, and you'll definitely want to put your best foot forward.
The other thing you need to do while you're broken up? Create a step-by-step plan for getting your boyfriend back.
Way too often you'll see girls who rush too quickly, don't think things through, or think they can just "wing it" when it comes to winning back a guy who left. Instead, you need to draw up a blueprint and stick to it. By knowing exactly what to do, and exactly when to do it, you can greatly increase the chances that you and your ex will be boyfriend and girlfriend once again.