How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend to Call You
So the phone rings... you check it, and it's not him. Again.
Why won't your ex boyfriend call? Did you do something wrong? Or better yet, are there things you can do, right now, that will make your ex want to call you after the breakup?
Losing contact with someone you love is always difficult. In the case of your boyfriend, you probably called, texted, or talked to each other a dozen times a day. It became habit. You were addicted to each other.
This is why it's astounding that, after a breakup, all that contact dwindles down to nothing. You're so used to hearing his voice and talking to your ex, it makes you really, really miss him.
But does he miss you?
The answer to that question is actually the key to getting his attention again. Because your exboyfriend won't call you until something very important happens: he has to miss you first.
This is the single greatest obstacle you have to get over before you can re-establish contact with you ex. Somehow, you have to become an important part of his world again. In some way, you've got to plant yourself back into his head.
Getting back in your ex's life isn't easy, especially in the beginning. Your boyfriend just ended the relationship, and he's going to be very careful about getting back in touch with you.
Any contact on his part could be construed as 'hope' on your end. And if he doesn't want to date you right now? He sure doesn't want to give you false hope.
This is why your boyfriend won't call, won't text, and won't contact you unless he thinks it's SAFE. And by safe, I mean when he's absolutely sure that by talking to you again, you're not expecting anything to happen. He wants to feel comfortable when he contacts you. He wants to know you've accepted that things are over. THAT's when he'll feel like he can talk to you again, and not a minute before.
Why Your Ex Already Misses You... a Little
Okay, onto the good stuff. Does your ex boyfriend miss you? Yes, of course. He loved you, might still love you, and you shared a lot of time together.
At the same time, he had LOTS of time to withdraw from the relationship, mostly because he's the one who decided on the breakup. That means your boyfriend knew in advance - a lot earlier than you did - that things between you were going to end. He prepared for it. Mentally. Emotionally. When it happened, he was ready for the loss.
You on the other hand, probably got blindsided. Maybe you could sense something was wrong, or that your boyfriend was being solemn or withdrawn in the days leading up to the break. Still, you weren't nearly as ready as he was. Because of this, he had more time to let go of you. This puts his heart at a greater distance than yours.
Getting back your ex boyfriend is all about forcing him to see you as a girlfriend again. Yes, he might miss you, but you need to force him to change his current mindset; he has to see you the way he did in the beginning, in order to fall back in love with you again.
Remember the beginning? When everything was amazing? When the attraction was overwhelming, the intimacy was sizzling hot, and the sex was mind-blowing?
Well guess what? So does he. Your exboyfriend has those memories too, only right now those memories are BURIED. In order to break things off, he had to put those memories in the ground and shovel dirt on them. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to break up with you.
So yeah, he buried those times. But so what? He didn't bury them that long ago, and he didn't bury them that deep. Those great memories and emotional connections are all still there, they're just waiting beneath the shallow surface. It's up to YOU to draw them out. It's up to YOU to make him see them again.
Luckily there are fast reconnection techniques designed exactly for that purpose. Learn them, and you can stop the breakup in its tracks and turn your ex boyfriend completely around, to the point where HE actually starts chasing YOU again.
Reasons Why an Ex Boyfriend Will Contact You
Contacting someone after breaking up with them is always risky. If you want them back, you'll need to have reasons why getting back together is a good idea in the first place. And if you don't? Well, getting in touch with them always runs the risk of giving that person the idea you still want to date them.
Still, some guys will still call, or text message you, or keep up contact. The reasons for this are usually selfish; either they themselves can't fully let go (i.e. they want to let go of you gradually at their own pace), or they're looking for something else: friendship or sex.
• Being Friends With Your Ex Boyfriend
Very often you'll get old "there's no reason we still can't be friends". Which is laughable, because there are a thousand reasons why you can't be friends with your ex - especially an exboyfriend you really want back.
Staying friends with an exboyfriend puts you out of the game. You're not his girlfriend, you're not really his friend... you're just some girl still hanging around after he dumped you. You're that girl he slept with; the girl who's still "cool" to talk to, or maybe even hook up with, but you're not going to be considered girlfriend material again while you're still stuck in this friendship position.
When your ex suggests staying friends you need to immediately do this. It's the only way to break out of that neverending Friend Zone cycle.
• Your Ex Wants to Sleep with You (i.e. 'Friends with Benefits')
Again, this is a poor idea. As tempting as it sounds, having sex too soon after the break up will actually work against you in getting him back.
The intimacy of sex can bring you closer together again, but only when sex happens at the right time. Know when and when not to sleep with your ex, and find out which scenarios will make things easier - or harder - to ultimately get back together, and build a future relationship.
Why Hasn't My Ex Contacted Me Yet?
If your breakup just happened, you need to give things time. An ex who just broke up with you doesn't need you yet. As time goes on, and as you spend time apart, the loneliness grows. Guys get nostalgic, just like girls, and pretty soon your ex will be thinking about the good old days when everything was right between you.
Time is an equalizer. The good thing about the passage of time is that it blurs away the things you don't want to see. You and your ex will forget the bad times and remember the good.
All the fighting, the arguements, the unnecessary breakups - these things will fade from your minds as the days and weeks go on. What's left behind are the good times. The positive things about your relationship. The places you went together, the trips you took, the holidays you shared with each other and with family.
So if it's been a short time since breaking up? There's a good chance your boyfriend just isn't missing you yet. He's probably been busy with friends, especially if you had a very close relationship and he spent most of his free time with you. Now that he's free, he's out hanging with buddies he hasn't seen in a long time, doing stuff he hasn't done in ages. This doesn't mean he thinks any less of you, it only means he's busied himself with other things.
In short, the opportunity to think about you, and miss you, hasn't happened yet. But you can accelerate the process of making your ex miss you. There are certain seeds you can plant that will draw your ex boyfriend's interest, even when it seems he's currently ignoring you.
How to Make Him Call You - First Contact with your Ex Boyfriend
Your ex boyfriend will call you when the following things have happened:
- You've stopped resisting the breakup. Accept that it happened.
- You disappear completely from your exboyfriend's life, making him wonder where you are.
- You go NO CONTACT for a period of at least two weeks. No texts, no emails, no phone calls.
- You haven't seemed needy or desperate to anyone associated with your ex (i.e. his friends)
- You've gone out with friends, family, etc... instead of remaining locked up waiting for him
- You've worked on improving yourself mentally, emotionally, and even physically
Do all those things and you've created an atmosphere of stabilization. Your ex will feel comfortable in talking to you again. He knows you're not chasing him, and he realizes he can probably talk to you without you breaking down, freaking out, placing blame, or calling the breakup into question.
Now, when your ex boyfriend does call? know precisely what to say. You can easily destroy days or weeks of no contact with the wrong type of conversation, so learn which topics will draw him closer to you again and which should be avoided like the Black Plague.
Now if you can't get him to call, you need to learn which reinsertion techniques work best for your particular situation. Sometimes an ex boyfriend might need a little prompting, even though he might be missing you.
You might also want to check for these signs that your ex still has feelings for you.