Getting Your Boyfriend Back After You've Been Caught Cheating
Of all the things that can break up a relationship, cheating is very high up on the list. If your boyfriend broke up with you because he caught you being unfaithful to him, getting back together will require some additional steps.
First things first: make sure you want your boyfriend back. If your affair was nothing more than a one-time fling, fine. But if it's an ongoing thing that might happen again, you're certainly not ready to repair your broken relationship.
Getting caught cheating requires not only getting your boyfriend to want you back, but reassuring him that it will never happen again. You'll also need to gain his forgiveness, and eventually, earn back his trust.
Couples that get back together after one or both of them were unfaithful have a very high backslide rate, meaning that the lack of trust and residual bad feelings often cause them to break up again. You want to get back together in such a way to avoid this scenario, and build upon a positive future.
That said, cheating is actually a lot easier to overcome than you might think. The reason is simple: in a normal situation where your boyfriend breaks up with you, he's already had plenty of time to get used to the idea of losing you. But in a breakup caused by cheating, your ex dumped you quickly and out of necessity and anger - not because he didn't love or care for you anymore.
This means your boyfriend's inner feelings for you are still stronger than ever, even though he might say they're not. An outraged ex will quickly tell you that he's finished and done, yet at the same time the emotional bonds he feels toward you are all still intact. At least for now, anyway.
Because of this, getting your boyfriend back after cheating on him can often be faster and easier than repairing a normal breakup. There's no specific internal reason that caused you to break up, and you don't have to convince your ex that his feelings are still there.
After Your Boyfriend Catches You Cheating - What To Do First
When your boyfriend first learns that you've been unfaithful, his initial reactions can vary. Some guys will go berserk, and want justice by going after the guy you cheated on him with. Other guys will spend more time lashing out at you. A third group will even curl up into a ball and cry over your infidelity, and this can be almost painful to watch. In all cases however, your reaction should always be the same.
Letting Him Rage
Your boyfriend will be angry when he finds out you've cheated, and he's got good reason to be. Now is not the time to try and calm him down, or reassure him that everything's going to be alright. Step back, bow your head a little, and allow him his anger.
You want to let your boyfriend get his anger out - all of it, or at least as much of it as he can. He'll cry, roar, scream, and maybe punch a wall or two... all of this is fine, as long as it's not directed physically at you. This isn't the part that hurts him the most - that comes later as he replays the cheating over and over in his mind. Right now though, he needs to let off some steam.
Offering One Sincere Apology
When he calms down a bit, or finally comes face to face with you, it's time to apologize. You need to be sincere in your apology, or things aren't going to go well. Make sure your boyfriend knows you're sorry, so look and play the part.
This isn't the time for a long apology, however. Don't offer details, and don't go into a long-winded story. Whatever you do, don't play the blame game with stuff like:
"I cheated because things weren't good between us..."
"You weren't paying any attention to me..."
These are some one of the worst approaches you can take. You're trying to place the blame for what you did on his shoulders, and you're trying to do it at the worst possible time. Your boyfriend isn't going to appreciate this, and even worse he's going to rememeber what you said. By saying as little as possible, you'll make a lot less mistakes.
Instead of making any excuses, just simply tell him you're sorry for what happened. Don't cry, or he'll resent you for once again trying to make things about YOU, instead of him. Accept full blame, and allow that apology to sink in. Don't say it two or three times, and don't let your boyfriend demand answers. Whether he continues to rage or not, your next move is simple yet hard to do:
Walking Away Before Things Go From Bad To Worse
There comes a time when just being around your boyfriend becomes counterproductive. Your now ex-boyfriend will get more and more mad at you, especially since you're not saying much of anything. This is the time to walk away, and to leave before the situation gets any worse. Your ex needs time alone, and giving him space right now is the best thing to do.
Some women however, refuse to leave in this scenario. They don't want to walk away while their boyfriend is still angry, for fear of what he might do (i.e. retaliation cheating). They also somehow think they can still fix things, if only they stick around and 'work it out'. So they stay... and they bear the full brunt of their boyfriend's anger, which gets increasingly worse as time goes on.
By leaving, you're diffusing the situation. His anger can finally drain when you're not there. Will your ex still be angry? Of course. But by walking away, you're giving him the opportunity to stop being angry and start thinking about what he's going to do without you.
Your boyfriend will likely break up with you here, and that's okay. You don't want to try and save the relationship right now - it's best to let the breakup happen and concentrate on getting your ex back later on. It's impossible to save things while your boyfriend is mad at you, and you can't start fresh until you've wiped the slate clean.
There are some great tips and techniques for getting an ex to forgive you for cheating. Learn them all, because you'll need to utilize them before you're able to move forward as a couple again.
Leaving Your Ex To His Own Thoughts - Why He Still Loves You
Most people have the same reaction when asked what they'd do in the face of cheating: they'd break up with their partners. Oddly enough, more couples get back together after infidelity than they do after a traditional breakup.
Despite what he says, your boyfriend still loves you. He's angry, he's hurt, he's bitter and upset... but deep down inside, he's all of these things for a very simple reason: your ex still has feelings for you.
In fact, your boyfriend might be angrier at himself for still loving you than he is at you for cheating. His friends and family might be urging him to move on, but the feelings and emotions he developed while dating you can't be so easily dispelled. You'd think letting you go would be a simple decision for him, but it's actually filled with a lot of conflicting thoughts.
Your exboyfriend will fight an inner battle here: one part of him will want to dump you because of your betrayal, and the other part will want to work things out because he still cares about you. He'll want to rationalize keeping you in his life, and he'll try to minimize the cheating in his own head.
This is why it's always important to be vague with what you say, and to never go into the gory details of your affair. No matter how hard your boyfriend presses you for that information, he really doesn't want it. Now is not the time to continue lying to him, but there's nothing wrong with omitting the kind of stuff that would stick with him for a long while. Leave out things like where you did the cheating, how often it happened, and of course, the more intimate details of what went on.
In the end, your ex's inner battle might end in a stalemate: it's common for him to compromise by taking the middle road: punishing you for what you did. He'll think that by making you feel as badly as he does, he'll be put back on more even footing with you. Unfortunately, this would also damage any chance at having a future relationship with your ex, so you need to be very careful with what happens next.
Accepting Responsibility... But Not Punishment
When you next see your boyfriend again, you owe him one last apology. This one has to be totally heartfelt, and it needs to come with the assurance that cheating on him was a huge mistake that will never happen again.
"I'm so sorry I did this to our relationship, because I really do love you. I made an awful mistake, it was totally my fault, and I would never do it again..."
Your boyfriend might not accept your apology, and since he considers you broken up he'll probably scoff at the 'never again' portion of your speech. Still, it's important that he knows this. Inwardly, there's a big part of him that wants to take you back. That same part wants and needs reassurance that he won't be hurt like this again.
At the same time, it's not a good idea to accept too much in the form of punishment. Your ex might do anything from laying heaps of guilt upon your shoulders to trying to get back at you by sleeping with another girl... all of these things are detrimental to getting back together, and you need to walk away quickly when he tries to do them.
Getting Your Boyfriend To Forgive You For Cheating
Forgiveness comes in many stages, and asking your ex to get over an affair is a tough thing for him to do. Understand that this is a long-term goal, and you should be in it for the long haul... there's no quick and easy way to go back to the way things used to be.
Your ex needs to get over a lot of things before he'll take you back. He has to accept the fact that you cheated, and rationalize whether or not he can get past it. Unfortunately, some guys simply can't... they won't stop thinking about your affair and will continue to use it as an excuse to punish you. Whenever you fight, whenever you argue, if the subject of cheating comes up it means that your boyfriend never got over what happened and is still harboring resentment. This will poison the future of your relationship, and you need to avoid that.
Trust takes time to build, and your boyfriend will need to trust you before he can love you in the same unconditional way he did before. Don't expect it to happen overnight, and don't push too hard for him to forgive you. In time, you'll rebuild a relationship in which your ex can trust that you won't cheat on him again.
Don't move forward until you've learned basic Clean Slate Techniques. They can be a lifesaver, especially if your ex boyfriend still won't take you back after learning you've been unfaithful.
For more on how you can make him want you back after cheating, read up on detachment techniques that will draw your exboyfriend's interest and attention.
And for a complete step-by-step guide on what to do first, check out reversing your breakup.