He Says He Wants Me Back... But He Needs Time
It's the ultimate waiting game. You've worked hard to get your exboyfriend interested in you again, and he even told you he wants you.
So why hasn't he asked you to be his girlfriend again?
Getting back together is difficult enough, without stalling out in the home stretch. In many ways it's even more frustrating to be hanging on the line like this, than it is to not have any chance of winning him back at all.
If your ex boyfriend has shown interest in your again, congratulations. You've probably gone through a lot since the break up, and maybe even jumped through a few hopes. In the end though, you love him. He's worth it. And you're looking forward to that one last step, where your ex puts his arm around you can calls you his girlfriend again.
So what gives? Why is he seeing you, talking with you, possibly even sleeping with you, yet your exboyfriend still won't take that last small step to make things official?
Well to him it's a big step. And here's why:
What's Going on in Your Ex's Mind After the Breakup
Breaking up with you was a big thing for the both of you. Your boyfriend didn't take the decision lightly, and when he made it, he had to rationalize a lot of things.
First, he had to prepare himself for living without you. Obviously this wasn't easy for him, if he's on the verge of taking you back. Beyond that though, he had to tell his friends. His family. He had to prepare other people for the fact that they won't be seeing you anymore. It's almost like he had to 'sell' the breakup - both to himself and to others - in order to make it stick.
So now that he says he wants you back? He's going to have to unsell it. Your ex has to backtrack on everything he said and did in order to let everyone know, even himself, that it's worth "giving things another try".
To do this, he needs justification in the form of things will be different. Before he takes you back, your ex boyfriend needs to be convinced that you're not just flying back into each other's arms because you love each other... that goes without saying. Beyond that, he needs to know that something changed. Something on your end, or his end, or both, that tells him things will be better, brighter, and more permanent this time around.
So if your ex hasn't taken you back yet? It's very possible he's not convinced. He could be playing with the idea of getting back together, but in the back of his mind, he could be worried about the SOS. Same old shit. The same old fighting, arguing, etc, that broke you up in the first place.
Why Does my Boyfriend Need Time Apart?
He needs time because he has to rationalize these things to himself. And if that's the case, you can help him. There are some important clean slate techniques designed to smooth things over between you and your ex. They teach you how to start fresh by wiping the slate clean, and how you can build a new, better relationship together without looking back and fighting over the bullshit of the past.
But at the same time, if your boyfriend asks for too much space during the reconciliation process, he could be stalling for other reasons. He could be stringing you along, afraid to let you down. He could be reconsidering getting back together with you. And yes, if he's still refusing to commit? He could be seeing or waiting on someone else.
What to Do When Your Ex Boyfriend Says he Needs Space
Getting back together is a tricky process. If you rush it, you could force your ex back into something he's not interested in or ready for. This might result in the two of you getting back together, which would be awesome at first, but then quickly breaking up again because he resents how pressured he felt to make things right between you.
The is known as a rebound-breakup. It's when you convince your ex boyfriend that being together will be awesome again, and he KIND OF sees the light... but since he hadn't yet resolved the reasons you broke up in the first place? You break up a quick second time right after the first.
You want to avoid this situation obviously. Pushing too hard can have the negative effect of hidden resentment on your ex's part. Instead, let him come to you on certain things. Ideally, your ex should think getting back together is HIS idea, and not yours.
Accomplishing this is easy through reversing the balance of power. Knowing how to reclaim power and position in the relationship (because right now you have virtually none) is the key to making your exboyfriend see you as desirable again. He should view you as someone he can't live without, and someone he doesn't want to slip away. When this happens, HE chases YOU, and reconciliation is only a heartbeat away.
So to get him closer when your ex won't commit to dating you again? You've got to REFUSE his demand for "time apart". In short, you've already had time apart. You've broken up. You've been waiting to get back together, and you're not going to sit around waiting in limbo while your ex sees you whenever it's convenient for him, whenever he wants sex, or whenever he can slip you into his busy new 'single life' schedule.
Reasons Your Ex Hasn't Gotten Back Together With You Yet
When you're 95% made up with your ex but he still won't take that last step and commit, there are a few possibilites. Let's review them:
• Your Exboyfriend is Leading You On
It's crummy, but it happens. Sometimes an ex will entertain seeing you purely for selfish reasons. He has no intention of getting back together with you, but he keeps stringing you along with phrases like "I still love you" and "I love you but I'm not in love with you", or even the old favorite: "You'll always have a special place in my heart".
You can usually tell when he's not serious about getting back together. He'll be vague about the future, or change the subject whenever you bring it up. He'll delay by saying "I can't right now", but has no good reason as to what he's waiting for.
When this happens, you need to withdraw. Look for the signs he still loves you and see how many of them apply. If not too many, you haven't made him miss you enough yet.
• He Hasn't Reconciled the Breakup
If you broke up for something insignificant, like a string of stupid fights, this reason reason will be less likely. Still, he may be wary of getting back together because he's afraid of falling back into the same old bad scenarios with you.
In this case, you have to make him feel comfortable. Do the things you used to do in the beginning of you relationship, when everything was awesome. Maybe even take him somewhere you went on your first or second date, to remind him of how good things felt. Don't dwell on the past, and don't get overly serious about the future. Your goal here is to make him glad to be around you again, and to feel the way he used to, back before all the needless bickering or fighting.
If you did happen to break up for something significant, or if he broke up with you because you were unfaithful, you'll need to learn how to get him back after cheating.
• Not Enough Time Has Passed (or You're Pressuring Him Too Much)
Chances are your breakup wasn't a snap decision; there were a number of factors that accumulated over time. These built up, weighing on your ex's mind, until he dumped you. It was a process.
So getting him back? That's going to be a process too. Hopefully a shorter one, but it's not going to happen overnight. Don't push him to call you his girlfriend again, especially if he's already contacting you, texting you, seeing you, or showing you other signs of interest. By letting HIM come to YOU when he's ready, you'll build a more stable future relationship.
• Your Ex is Using You for Sex
Hey, it's a possibility. It could be that your ex boyfriend has let go of you mentally and emotionally. Physically however, he still wants to return to the well.
In the case where your ex is showing up, being overly affectionate, and then leaving shortly after having sex with you? Odds are good he's only interested in the sex itself. Maybe you slept with him too early into the reconciliation, or maybe you've been too lenient on letting him know you want him as a BOYFRIEND again, and not just as a sexual partner.
Find out if sleeping with your boyfriend will get him back. In some cases, and at the right time, it can actually help reverse your break up. At the wrong times however, it can be detrimental to your cause.
• Your Ex Boyfriend Started Dating Someone Else
Yes, it happens. Maybe he considered this person before breaking up with you, or maybe he met them later. He could be actively pursuing them, or he could be in a full-blown relationship with them right at the very moment.
In the end, it doesn't matter. If your ex is seeing someone else you need to know about it. And trust me, he's not going to offer this information up willingly. After all, since you're not his girlfriend? He won't feel compelled to report it to you.
To find out if he's dating another girl, look for signs your ex is on a weird time schedule. Does he call you at certain times or see you only on certain days of the week? Are there times he forbids you to contact him, or tells you not to call?
When your ex is being secretive, or if he's asking you not to text or contact you in the same ways he did when you were both dating, there's a good chance it's because he's carrying on another relationship. Find out the extent of it, and whether or not he's serious about getting back together with you. It could be he's leading you on.
If it turns out your ex boyfriend IS dating someone else, you'll need to take these steps to draw him back to you again. There are ways of winning him back from his new relationship, especially since you have more of a past history together. But the window of opportunity for that is narrow, so you'll need to work fast.
What if He Doesn't See me as a Girlfriend Anymore?
If your breakup goes on for a while, and your ex isn't seeing you in a girlfriend-type role, there are still moves you can make to get him interested again. But again, the window for opportunity is always limited, and the faster you make the RIGHT moves? The better the chance you can make him want you again.
The master at fixing even the most hopeless breakup situations is Robert Parsons. His incredible guide, Breakup Reversed, has been effective in saving tens of thousands of relationships from break ups that could, with just a few small adjustments, easily be fixed.
Even better, when these techniques are applied correctly? Breakup Reversed has a 94% success rate in getting people back together!
• Learn which hidden clues tell you that your ex STILL has feelings for you.
• Discover the best ways to get back in touch with a non-communicative ex boyfriend.
• Find out how to make him feel like he used to, back when he loved you most.
Breakup Reversed is a detailed plan you can start using TODAY.
Because the longer you sit around making the wrong moves? The further away your ex will retreat, and the longer it will take to win over his heart again.