Your Ex Keeps Texting You After The Breakup - What Does It Mean?
In today's world, it's harder than ever to truly break up. Between phone calls, emails, IM's, Facebook, Myspace... the lines of communication are everywhere, and it's often difficult to break all forms of contact when a relationship ends.
Text-messaging of course, has become one of the most popular ways for people to keep in touch. If you dated your boyfriend for any length of time, odds are good you sent hundreds or even thousands of text-messages back and forth to each other over the course of your relationship.
But what does it mean when your ex keeps on texting you, even after your romance is over? Is he just being friendly? Or is your exboyfriend keeping that one important door to your relationship open, thinking he could one day use it if he decided that he wanted you back?
Text-messages may seem like innocent contact, especially since they're so impersonal. You don't have the commitment of a phone call, and since there's a delay in the back-and-forth communication you really get to think about what you're going to say. Yet at the same time, post-breakup texting isn't all that innocent. When your boyfriend refuses to stop texting with you after breaking up, it's a pretty safe bet that there's always a motive behind it.
In general, a guy will text-message an ex girlfriend for one of two reasons: to hook up sexually, or to try and get back together again. There's no such thing as friendly text-messaging, or texting just to 'say hi'. This type of message simply doesn't exist, and once again there's always a motive involved.
Reasons Your Ex Boyfriend Will Give For Text-Messaging You
First of all, if an ex is texting you at all it's because he's still interested. What's he interested in? That has yet to be determined, but if your boyfriend is blowing up your screen with texts or even phone calls, it's a definite sign that you're still on his mind. In trying to get your boyfriend back, this is really good news. It means that whatever you've done so far to make him miss you - it's working.
While every text will be different, there are some pretty basic categories when it comes to text-message topics from an ex boyfriend. The following are all good examples of what your ex might say or type while trying to get back in touch with you after a breakup:
"I just wanted to see if you were okay..."
You're more likely to receive this message in the hours and days just after the breakup happens, as your boyfriend reaches out for some kind of reaction. It comes under the guise of actually caring about your feelings, but in reality this message is bullshit: your boyfriend is only pushing for some inside information.
Does he care how you're doing? Not even a little bit. What your now exboyfriend really cares about however, is reading your reaction to the breakup. In short, he wants to know how losing him has affected you so far.
Selfish? Sure. But this is what a guy will do, shortly after dumping you. He'll want to see you sad, upset, crying, and begging him to take you back. All of these things validate the breakup for him, and make it easier for him to move on with someone else.
This is why you should never give away your hand. Pity will never help get your ex back, and in fact it will always hurt your chances. Don't believe for a second that your ex cares how you're doing... if he really cared you'd stil be together and trying to work through your problems.
"I need stop by and get everything I left at your place..."
Once again, this is an excuse to see you. Unless your boyfriend left something very important at your house, he doesn't need it back right away. So if your ex is pulling this card very early on in the breakup, he's already missing you and wanting to physically see you face to face.
If your breakup has gone on for a while now and your boyfriend is asking to come get his things? It could be that something in his life has changed, and he may be looking to reconnect. Again, the importance of what he wants is key. If he's stopping by to pick up his Greenday CD, chances are good he's using it as a big fat excuse.
Of course it's also possible that he's getting over the relationship and finally wants closure. In this case, you'll need some radical measures. Check out these reversal techniques, geared toward putting your boyfriend back into a relationship mindset instead of just seeing things between you as finished.
"I was thinking we could meet somewhere, and catch up with each other..."
This is a tremendous sign that your ex boyfriend might want you back. At the very least, he's certainly thinking about you. You're in head again, and so much that he needs to sit down and be with you again, like when you were dating.
That said, make sure that your ex's motives here are pure. If your ex boyfriend is looking for a quick hookup or an no-strings attached sexual encounter, you should probably bail on the meeting.
You should know him well enough to sense where things are going... try to get a feel for whether he's missing you mentally, emotionally, or physically. It's okay for him to miss you on all three levels, but your ex shouldn't be trying to get back into your pants until you've already moved through the 4 Stages of Reconciliation.
"Even though we're not dating, I want us to still be friends."
This type of text is very dangerous, and your ex is opening a huge can of worms. Not only is being friends with your ex boyfriend a really bad idea in general, but it also won't help you get him back. On the contrary, it can severely damage your chances of ever dating again.
Your ex is NOT looking to be friends with you, by the way. What he wants is to have the freedom of being single combined with the security and comfort of you waiting around for him.
Seeing and talking to you as a friend enables him to always know where you are, and always know what you're doing. And since you're still in touch? Your ex never gets the chance to miss you - a vital and necessary part of getting back together as a couple.
And don't think for a single minute that by being friends with your ex you can somehow get close enough to date him again. In fact, the longer this type of friendship goes on the further and further you slip into a purely platonic relationship with him.
Never agree to be your ex's text-buddy, especially not if you want him back. If you're looking to get close with your boyfriend again, texting and friendship aren't the answer. You can be friends with your ex OR you can work toward getting him back as a boyfriend again, but you can't do both at once.
Learn a lot more about what to do when your ex boyfriend just wants to be friends.
And if getting your boyfriend to want you back seems hard for you right now, you'll need to make some adjustments. Check out these 5 things you can do TODAY, that will help get you back on track to winning your ex's heart again.