How To Get Back In Your Boyfriend's Life: Best Reinsertion Techniques
To eventually get him back, you'll need to work your way back into your ex boyfriend's world again. Getting back in his life entails the most tricky and difficult steps you'll make on the road to getting back together, so you need to tread very carefully here in everything that you do.
Slow and subtle... that's the name of the game. If you move too suddenly or come on too strong, your ex will quickly and immediately withdraw from you.
Remember: your boyfriend broke up with you for a reason. To get him back you need to give him reasons for wanting to date you again, and you need to present that reasoning in the most non-threatening way possible. If you present your case like a headstrong lawyer going to court, your ex will dismiss you for what you are: needy and desperate to get back with him.
Reinsertion isn't something you can accomplish immediately, either. Some women will begin trying to force their way back into an ex's life right away, almost immediately after the breakup occured. Guys will see through this right away, no matter how innocent or platonic you make your contact.
Simply put, you can't "call just to say hi" or think up lame reasons that give you an excuse to contact your ex for something. Initially at least, you're always better off walking away. The detachment lends you a sense of independence, and by not pushing for early communication you don't come off as trying to prevent the break up from happening.
If you're having trouble breaking contact with your ex, or if he's still trying to keep the lines of communication open, this is your best opening move.
Once accomplished, your detachment needs to be something you're willing to stick to - at least for a while. Comfort yourself in knowing that eventually you'll get your boyfriend back, and that this period of no contact is just a temporary (and very necessary) phase of the reconciliation process. The longer you can steer clear of calling or talking to your ex boyfriend right now, the greater the position you're putting yourself in later on.
How Long Should You Wait Before Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend?
Well ideally, your ex should contact you. In a best case scenario, your complete and immediate withdrawal from your ex boyfriend's life should trigger some very deep thinking on his part. As he explores the possibility that you're no longer interested in dating him, your ex should be making some very hard choices.
Nothing, and I mean absolutely NOTHING speaks louder than complete and utter silence. In learning how to get your boyfriend back, the first thing you need to learn is that less is more. The less you do, the less you'll have to do later on, when it comes time to meet up and talk with your ex boyfriend.
Keep in mind that all guys have the same pre-breakup approach:
Examining the above mindset, you can see why trying to get in touch too soon can really damage the chances of ever dating your ex again. Pushing quickly and excessively can dramatically change the way your exboyfriend views you, and in some very harmful ways.
That said, there is a certain time period beyond which it's okay for you to reach out and initiate contact. Depending upon how quickly and totally you were able to implement the no contact approach, the usual amount of time you should wait before calling is about six to eight weeks.
Seems excessive, doesn't it? Yet waiting this long ensures that a few important things have happened:
First, you should now be enough of a mystery that your ex boyfriend is extremely curious about you. He'll want to know where you went so suddenly, and how come you no longer even tried to save the relationship. Your complete lack of contact will also have him wondering if maybe you didn't find a new boyfriend, and your ex will feel pangs of jealousy in thinking you replaced him so quickly with someone else.
Second, your ex boyfriend now misses you. Enough time has passed and you've spent enough time apart for this longing to happen naturally, without you forcing it on him. This is the single greatest thing about withdrawing for so long, and it's a critical requirement for winning your boyfriend back.
Third, contacting your ex boyfriend after all this time will be met with a lot more acceptance (and less suspicion) than if you'd tried to communicate within only days after breaking up. Your ex will want to know why you're calling him of course, but he'll also place a good deal of importance on your phone call. After all, he hasn't heard from you in a long while, and for all he knows you could've moved on.
Best Methods For Contacting Your Ex After The Break Up
Okay, let's move on to the important stuff: how do you go about making first contact with your ex boyfriend? Which ways are best for re-establishing contact, and how can you get back in touch with him in a way that will help get him back?
Running down your list of options, let's examine each of them:
Facebook or MySpace Contact
Of all the ways you can get back in touch with your ex boyfriend, this one's at the bottom of the barrel. Writing on your ex boyfriend's Facebook wall, or leaving him a MySpace message is about the lamest and worst ways of reconnecting.
What you're saying here is that either your ex is too unimportant for a real live phone call, or that you're too cowardly to make such contact. Instead, you resorted to the clinical and awkward world of social networking to open the channels of communication. Overall, not a good idea.
Text-Messaging Your Ex Boyfriend
Again, this is a copout. Texting your ex is only marginally better than Facebooking him. It leaves too much room for error and misinterpretation, and it also leaves room for your ex to delete your message and pretend he never got it... sending you into a whirlwind of wondering if there were a technical glitch or you just rejected.
Emailing Your Ex After The Break Up
Although not very personable, email is a more acceptable method of getting back in touch with your ex boyfriend. It's still not recommended however, unless your relationship began or originated through email contact (which very many of today's relationships actually do).
Using email, you can more accurately figure out exactly what it is that you're going to say. Ideally, you want to write a message that will have your ex calling you back. The less information you give him, the more he'll need to call and actually ask you how you've been doing. Your goal should be to get your ex to call you, as the phone re-connection is always best.
Calling Your Ex Boyfriend On The Phone
Believe it or not, you can call your ex boyfriend under the right circumstances. You'll want to do it at a time when he'll be receptive to hearing from you, as well as be able to talk for a few minutes. Obviously you don't want call him when he's out with friends, busy at work, or in between classes at school.
What you say to your boyfriend on the phone is important, and you need to be extremely careful with how you proceed. You'll want to keep the call happy, innocent, and mysteriously short, and be the person in control of when the call ends.
You also want to drop the one secret trick that will make your ex unable to get you out of his mind. Planting this seed now, during your phone call, will have your exboyfriend thinking about you for the rest of the night and beyond.
Seeing or Running Into Your Ex Boyfriend in Person
No matter what stage of the getting your ex back process you might be in, eventually you'll need to meet them face to face. Doing this to break the ice after not having seen or heard from each other in a while can be risky, but if done correctly, it can also lead to fast results.
Hopefully, you've spend your no-contact period working on yourself, both mentally and physically. Your ex obviously needs to be attracted to you, just as he was before. Looking, dressing, and feeling your best can really help catch your ex boyfriend's eye, and can put you back on the road to him wanting you again.
As with the ex boyfriend phone call, you don't want to give your ex too much too soon. Any face-to-face contact you make with your ex should be short and sweet, so as to keep him wanting more. This will also make it seem less like you arranged the meeting.
If you ran into each other accidentally, excuse yourself with an apology that you've got someplace you need to be. You'll look busy, and you'll look as if life moved on without him.
Chances are good he won't want to let you go so quickly, and if this is the case you can always extend an offer to call you when he gets the chance, so the two of you can 'catch up'. This is an innocent way to re-open the lines of communication, and get the ball rolling on getting back together.
If you had the opportunity to take control of your break up, you need to do so as quickly as possible.
And when your ex boyfriend finally calls you, you'll need to know exactly how to handle that initial contact. Check out the ultimate guide on what to say when your ex boyfriend calls you.